By Andrea Watson, February 13, 2021 We’ve all heard the word “psychotic” used in everyday language before. It’s a word that doesn’t get tossed around too often, but often enough that it is misunderstood. To be fair, many things in the world of psychology are misunderstood. Psychosis is a symptom of an underlying disorder. TheContinue reading “Psychosis”
If you read my blog then you know I have a mental illness. My twenties were the roughest part of my life. I went through a divorce, losing my children, psychosis, giving up babies for adoption, and the emergence of a serious mental illness. It was hell. I attempted suicide several times. This is the story of the last time I ever tried to kill myself, and the road I had to take to come back from it. This is not a cry for help. This is not a plea for sympathy. This is not an attempt to seek recognition or attention of any kind other than to move the reader into an awareness of what types of things might go through the mind of a suicidal individual. It is an attempt to connect with those who suffer, and hopefully guide them away from the edge. This is not my normal sort of blog post. This is a stand-alone work that speaks for itself. It does not represent who I am or where I’m at today, only what I have endured in the past-truly a different life. I have moved on.
Life can be just like Alice in Wonderland sometimes. For those of us with mental illness, it can be hard to find our way out of the hellish dreamscape and back to reality. So what can you do to help a person who is juggling mangoes? If you are part of a support system for someone who goes through this, it is important to know them and what they need. It differs for different people. But generally, there are some things you can do. For me, I need to be watched closely. Not in a patronizing way, but be on the lookout for self-harm or suicidal statements or actions. Second, let me know firmly that I am in need of help and it would be irresponsible and inappropriate for me to not get my meds straightened out right away.
I will never truly know if what I experience is reality or not. I will always hold skewed and misguided beliefs about the world and about myself (did you know I am not human, but rather an angel of destruction sent here to wipe out humanity?) Yeah. I truly believe this, and I know it is not normal. Now this sounds like a bunch of negative affirmations, doesn’t it? But I would challenge that thought. After 30+ years of dealing with my own bullshit, I can tell you that these are simple truths, not self-fulfilling prophecies. I have an education-I am not fooling myself or you here. I’m not stupid, just crazy.