Ten Cool Things I’ve Already Done
by Andrea Watson | October 8, 2020
Excellent to see you again, my gracious audience! I welcome you to my inner circle and say “Namaste” at you with reverence and dignity (not too loud, I hope, I kinda have a big mouth). Today I want to talk about bucket lists. No, I don’t have one. So what better time than now to present you with my reverse bucket list of cool things I’ve already done and therefore don’t need to do again if I don’t wanna? Thank you my fellow lifestyle bloggers for the idea. You inspire me. From commercial fisherman porn ( I swear I’ll explain) to hurling machetes at trees, I promise to try and make this post a colorful and entertaining one. So relax and join me for even more ramblings about myself and my life (thank you, by the way) and dare to find out all about the cool things I’ve already done.
One: Suddenly leave it all behind, pack up, and move to Cali. Yes, I did this. I was eighteen and homeless. I didn’t really have much, but I did leave all my friend and family connections behind. I was sick of the freezing-ass Colorado winters and that old, dreary bridge I lived under. I needed sun and excitement. But how to go about it? I got hooked up with a job at one of those companies that circulates petitions. Yeah. I was that girl. In your face, opinionated, gimme-your-signature me. I was okay at it. After Colorado Springs I went to Denver, where I met my ex-husband and not a day later we were whisked off by Greyhound to L.A. I hated it there and so did my ex. It was hot, people were rude, and I was constantly choking on air pollution. We decided to run off to San Diego together with nothing but the shirts in our backpacks and a tiny bit of cash. Yes, the homeless life is much better in the sunshine. I absolutely LOVED San Diego. There is so much to do and see, so many people to watch, especially downtown on Halloween, so many sailors to titillate with my ravishing looks. It was the perfect place for me. I reckon it still might be. If I had money and no kids, that is.
Two: Take a quaint, old-timey train ride around Mount Rainier. Yes I have done this too. My mother dragged us along on our “vacation” when I was a young girl. The train was not of modern fashion, and the scenery was epic. Deep in the woods on this fateful day, I decided that when I was older, I was going to turn into a hermit and live in the woods. And if I happened to have children I would teach them my ways and not society’s bass-ackward ones. It was truly an enlightening experience, and quite delightful. Until it was over, that is.
Three: Visit both the east and west coasts of the USA. I already told you I lived in San Diego for a spell, and that is about a coasty as one can get outside of Oregon or Rehoboth Beach (Delaware). I’m not so happy to announce that I have also lived on the East coast in the states of Delaware and Virginia. Virginia Beach is okay in my opinion, but other than that I really hate the east coast. The people are often stuck up and snooty and it’s a totally different, anti-fun feel I get, unlike the West coast (where Snoop lives). It definitely lacks inspiration for me, that’s for sure. Will I go back? Hell no. Not if I can help it. Not ever.
Four: Ascend to the top of Pike’s Peak. Yep, check another one off my reverse bucket list. I have driven up to the tippy-top of the American world-Pike’s Peak. Located in Colorado, this mountain is around the same place where the golden spike was stuck into that something-or-other-railroad, making everyone happy and connecting the east and west across the Great Divide. Or something. It’s a very cold and windy place at the top of that mountain, but the view is absolutely spectacular and plus they have a little mini donut shop way up there where you really can’t make anything edible at all. On the way up and down I saw Pikas, little egg-shaped mammals scurrying in and out from under all the rocks above the tree line.
Five: Assist in surgery. It’s true, I really have. Not human surgery, of course but exploratory surgery on a Labrador who had somehow managed to swallow a whole intact tennis ball. It was slowly killing him. I did work as a vet tech in a veterinary hospital and this was one of our patients. I got to hold the two ends of intestine together so Doc could stitch up what he had cut while looking for the ball in the bowels of this dog. And speaking of dogs and veterinary hospitals, here is another one:
Six: Give a dog CPR. There is a reason why you need buttloads of schooling to become an anesthesiologist for humans. It is a pretty exact science, plus it’s really easy to kill your patients. My position as vet tech required me to administer and monitor the conditions of the patient under anesthesia. Not too hard in the veterinary world, I guess. But if you make a single miscalculation, there goes your patient down into the abyss of oblivion. This time, my patient was not getting enough oxygen, despite having been fully and properly intubated. I had made a mistake and switched the oxygen settings with the settings for the anesthetic gas. BIG oops! My patient’s eyes were rolling down into his head-a sure sign of impending death. So while Doc was surgery-ing away on this dog’s insides, I had to maneuver my way around and actually give this pooch CPR right there on the table. He could have easily died because of me. I’m glad he didn’t.
Seven: Tattooed…myself. Yep, I sure as hell did. Just a couple months back my best friend bought a tattoo gun and all the trimmings. Unfortunately, he also let me play with it. I love coloring. I have always wanted to tattoo myself and I don’t regret doing it at all. I made a couple of decent ones. But for the most part I now have my definitely not professional tattoo half sleeve on my lower right arm and a bunch of stuff all over my hands and legs. But who cares what anybody else thinks? I sure don’t! I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Eight: Ring-mastered at Barnum and Bailey’s. Just kidding. I wanted to see if you were still paying attention. No. What I really mean is that alongside my knife throwing adventures, I mentally catalog my machete throwing adventures, which were even funner. Yes, you can be accurate and lethal while throwing a machete at a tree and sticking it. If you know how to do it. Fun for me-I figured it out and had a great time butchering this poor tree in the middle of a park on a stark, cold winter’s day. It. Was. Awesome. It gave me such a feeling of power-more so than when I stick all my knives into something solid. Maybe I am a circus freak, who knows, but one thing’s for certain: I sure do love me a machete.
Nine: Met and talked to a commercial fisherman. Here is where the weird porn comes in. Hold on. So when I lived in San Diego, I was up having coffee with my ex around midnight at our local grocery store/coffee getting place. We were outside drinking and talking when this gent who was fantastically hammered stumbled upon us. He sat down and told us his story. Turns out he was a commercial tuna fisherman. He had many adventures, plus, he was drunk (according to him). He also said it was very lonely out at sea, and then proceeded to explain the inner workings of making love to a giant tuna on deck of your ship (it gets better). We ended our long conversation and our evening with our stomachs churning and with a declination of his proffered “porn box” inside of which, he assured us, were many treasures and a wide variety for our viewing pleasure. Okay, so barf. The story is done but I am def never doing that again and I wish it had never happened at all. But it did. Cross it off the list. And next time, just walk away from the drunk guy.
Ten: Take a flying leap off a bridge. Yes, I was young and no, there was not too much danger involved, other than smacking my head on some hidden rocks in the river. In Boise, Idaho there is this red metal and wooden bridge over the river that seems to be a popular spot for jumping with the young folk. I was once a young folk in Boise, Idaho so naturally I took the plunge myself. It was a really stupid thing to do and sort of anti-climactic anyway, but any chance I get to tell people how I “jumped off a bridge” I take because hey, you only live once-get the reactions you are looking for out of strangers, right?
So there it is- my reverse bucket list. Some of those items may have seemed lame but all of those experiences helped shape who I am today and I think we all agree-I’m pretty cool. Of course, my life has had many other highlights, but these were the ones I could think of to share with you, so, you’re welcome. Why don’t you share some of your really cool things you’ve already done down in the comments? I would love to hear all about it. And when we’re done maybe we can write actual bucket lists together. Sounds like a plan. Til next time, sweetlings!