As I lay in the tub I look over my body once, twice, thrice. Then I do it again and I wish. I wish that I was not in subjugation to a substance. I wish I had never picked up a needle. I wish I was sane. Sores cover my arms and breasts-scabbing over or oozing infection. I have large painful lumps throughout my breasts and arms as well. Spots where the dope broke through the barrier and went into my muscle instead of my vein. They’re everywhere. Bruises and track marks stand out stark against and on my skin, peppering my body with black, blue, and yellow. Every time I touch anything, sharp, oppressive pain shoots through my fingers and up to my arms. It feels like the nerve sheath has been peeled back and I am just bumping against raw nerves. It hurts to be awake. I’m in need of medical attention. I won’t get it, though. It’s too risky.
Quitting is always hard, and shooting up is a much bigger monster to battle than anything else I have done. But it is possible. I will never be cured , but I can recover. A lot of addicts say that relapse is all part of recovery and I have found this to be true. I have gone for years at a stretch not using meth. Still, today I’m an addict. To quit you need support. A lot of it. Why not start here? It’s a great resource and has tons of helpful information.