As I lay in the tub I look over my body once, twice, thrice. Then I do it again and I wish. I wish that I was not in subjugation to a substance. I wish I had never picked up a needle. I wish I was sane. Sores cover my arms and breasts-scabbing over or oozing infection. I have large painful lumps throughout my breasts and arms as well. Spots where the dope broke through the barrier and went into my muscle instead of my vein. They’re everywhere. Bruises and track marks stand out stark against and on my skin, peppering my body with black, blue, and yellow. Every time I touch anything, sharp, oppressive pain shoots through my fingers and up to my arms. It feels like the nerve sheath has been peeled back and I am just bumping against raw nerves. It hurts to be awake. I’m in need of medical attention. I won’t get it, though. It’s too risky.
Category Archives: Mental Health/Wellness
Beyond the Edge
If you read my blog then you know I have a mental illness. My twenties were the roughest part of my life. I went through a divorce, losing my children, psychosis, giving up babies for adoption, and the emergence of a serious mental illness. It was hell. I attempted suicide several times. This is the story of the last time I ever tried to kill myself, and the road I had to take to come back from it. This is not a cry for help. This is not a plea for sympathy. This is not an attempt to seek recognition or attention of any kind other than to move the reader into an awareness of what types of things might go through the mind of a suicidal individual. It is an attempt to connect with those who suffer, and hopefully guide them away from the edge. This is not my normal sort of blog post. This is a stand-alone work that speaks for itself. It does not represent who I am or where I’m at today, only what I have endured in the past-truly a different life. I have moved on.
Understanding Autism
Surviving as a Parent With an Autistic Child I know, it seems like we’ve heard this all before, right? Dealing with autism is hard. VERY hard. It tries the best of us to within an inch of our sanity at times. We get hurt. We make mistakes. We misunderstand. We just cannot connect to ourContinue reading “Understanding Autism”
How to Lose Weight for Good
I’m going to stop you right there. I don’t care what the scale says about you. You weigh more than you know. A lot more. Does hearing this upset you? It should, because if you are anything like the majority of people in the USA today and indeed around the entire world, you are carrying an immense emotional burden. This is the heaviest weight of all. It is impossible to crawl out from under without a focused effort. No, this post is not about losing body weight. It is all about lightening our spirits so that we can live as happier beings even in the middle of the turmoil that is pervading our reality.
Caregiver Burnout
Caregiver work is rewarding and fulfilling. Often the people who hold these types of jobs love the work and the people passionately. I know I did. I worked as a supervisor at a house where we cared for two young adult ladies who were severely disabled to the point of not being able to dress, feed, or toilet themselves. There is a dire need for people to fill these types of positions. Other caregiver roles include such things as working in day programs for the developmentally disabled, nursing, geriatric care, hospice, or CNA work. There is also a dire need for these types of positions to be filled as well. These jobs include a wide range of duties and require an array of certifications depending upon what the position is. Some of these jobs pay very little. For example, as a supervisor in my care giving job, I only made $13.50 per hour. Some positions, like nursing, pay more.
Intimate Partner Violence Against Men
It is true that most reported Domestic Violence, or Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is perpetrated by men against women. Still, it is not uncommon for men to be victims of violence perpetrated by women. This happens far too often and we can’t ignore the problem. Everybody deserves to live an a safe, violence-free environment whether that be with a partner or not. IPV can take different forms, including stalking, sexual or physical violence, emotional abuse, and threats of abuse. It happens in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships. Let’s take a closer look at this problem, shall we?
Religious Trauma Part 4: Sex — The Tiny Couch: Wellness for All
By Valerie Rice and Andrea Watson | December 27, 2020 Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com I did warn you. Sex is a normal human behavior. Well, if you were raised in a twisted bit of religious cult, it is not. In fact, sex is so shrouded in secrecy in shame, you never had a […]Continue reading “Religious Trauma Part 4: Sex — The Tiny Couch: Wellness for All”
Mommy, Father, Son
“My dad left when I was in fourth grade, but I don’t even remember the time when he was there, really. We never spent time together. He was a raging alcoholic. I partially grew up with my grandpa. We did everything together. He took me hunting, fishing, and other stuff. I knew him as a father figure. He taught me a lot of stuff. He taught me everything a dad should teach his son. I have definitely let him down and it hurts me when I do. I don’t want to let him down.”
Men and Their Tools
On Caveman Penis Culture By Andrea Watson | December 26, 2020 Penises have been long worshiped by various cultures, since caveman times. This is the reason for my subheading. Because deep down, on our very base level, all humans are still ruled by caveman tendencies, men and women alike. I don’t mean to cause aContinue reading “Men and Their Tools”
What You Can do for You on Christmas
My sister says that because of Covid, we are all going feral, and I agree with her. Lucky for me, I’ve been feral all along. This is not to say that Covid hasn’t screwed with me, because it definitely has. I just don’t struggle to shrug off social norms and niceties because it’s something I’ve always been good at. So, as new “feral” humans, we have discovered this whole new reality and state of being. Time doesn’t seem to matter as much anymore. We feel lazier, we have no time for the how-do-you-do-and-shake-hands. We either relate to another person or we don’t, no time for BS. Masks are an integral part of our faces now. We feel naked without them. There is sort of a weird sort of freedom in that; we can go anywhere hiding our faces, concealing ourselves, protecting our identities and privacy and nobody thinks twice. Feral.
Life All Day 