I Don’t Know

Lost in the nightmare of blah

I haven’t been working on my blog lately. I have wanted to, but I have just been unable to. This is because one day a while back, I was sunk in a deep deep depression and it came to me that I’m just not good enough to write. Oh, it has been my dream since forever to be a writer and I love blogging. But something in my brain just told me that I have no right doing so because I suck so very badly. Now just so you know, this post is not about looking for sympathy. It is simply about expression.

The day that I decided I wasn’t good enough, I spent hours crying because I basically decided to give up on my dream. That never feels good. I still feel that way, and that’s why the title of this post is “I Don’t Know”. I don’t believe it is strongly as I did for the last few weeks. I believe I was wrong, nobody owns writing, I can have some too and the greatness of whatever it is that I write is irrelevant.

I have this burning desire within me to express myself and my experience through writing whether or not anybody reads it. It’s a fire that I can’t put out no matter how depressed I am. And I think that that’s what’s really gotten me through this time. I have spent most of my recent days laying on my depression couch and sleeping the daylight away. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to work and I want to shine and I want to do productive things that make me happy and feel good inside.

I realize that this is going to take a lot of effort. Writing always does. But fighting past depression is always harder than anything else. My mental state has cleared a bit of late. I decided to write this post today mainly to get myself back into writing in an easy, low pressure way. I feel like I need to take it slow and not push myself otherwise I’ll go over the edge again. This has been a very painful time for me, and if nobody finds this post interesting I totally understand because it’s not. It’s just cathartic for me and that’s about it. But if somebody can relate to this, I’m glad.

My goal for April is to write a blog post at least two to three times a week. I want my consistency back. And I want to provide my readers with valuable information. I apologize for this post being about nothing but how I feel, instead of how you can take care of yourself or what you can do to make your life better. I’ve just been stuck on how to make myself happy again. I will see you in April, which starts tomorrow. I will be sure to have a good blog post for you in the first few days of April. Until next time,

Andrea xo

Published by andrea137

Content writer by day, masked and caped Super Lifestyle and wellness blogger by night, painter, author of short story erotica. Craves attention, loves to engage, all around creative

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